小弟的英语面试自我介绍，求好心人指点【修改版】

俺马上要面试了，英文的自我介绍模板也看了一些，觉得低级得很，大都好似初中英语水平
发帖就是想高人指点一下我写的哪里不好，括号里写不出味道求补充，其余求修改，求思路，求加长，求味道，求面试技巧

隐私尊严神马的也不值钱，抛弃了


self-introduction

  Glad to see you sir, it is really a great honor to have this opportunity for the interview. My name is XXX，I graduated from this school, xx University is my alma mater, I was born in Jining which is the hometown of Confucius and Mencius with convenient communications，and it is the heartland of the rites.Observing promise and credit has always been a tradition of Jining，the people are easy going.
（我有很多xx爱好xx特长，越高尚越好）. Of course, if I am given a chance to study sports medicine in my alma mater, I will concentrate on my study and make great efforts to master it.
There are several reasons accounting for my endeavor.
I have been deeply impressed by （工作期间指导老师的精湛技术神马）. In my opinion, as a young doctor in the current，realize self-value is still urgent for me to own money（实现人生价值比获取金钱重要），This is the first reason for why I choose my major.
   The second one is I am long for doing research in sports medicine throughout my life. It’s a pleasure to be with my favorite job for lifetime. I suppose this is the most important factor in my decision.
（第三条，我写不出来了）
  In a word, I am looking forward to making a solid foundation for future profession after three years study here.
That is all, thanks for your attention.

============================
修改版

   Glad to see you professors. It is a great honor to have this opportunity for the interview. My name is XXX，I graduated from this university which is my alma mater majored in clinical medicine. I was born in jining which is the hometown of Confucius and Mencius with convenient communications，and it is the heartland of the rites.Observing promise and credit has always been a tradition of Jining and the people are easy going.

   In my spare time, I like listening to music and watching American dramas online. I have made a lot of friends and obtained the communicational skills needed by a person. Of course, if I am given a chance to study sports medicine in my alma mater, I will concentrate on my study and make great efforts to master it.

   There are several reasons accounting for my endeavor.I have been deeply impressed by my guiding teacher's exquisite technology in the hospital. In my opinion, as a young doctor，realize self-value is still urgent for me to own money，This is the first reason for why I choose my postgraduate major.
   The thing that matters most to me is that I am long for doing research in sports medicine throughout my life. It’s a pleasure to be with my favorite job.

   I believe I have established a relatively solid foundation for seeking further studies in. I am sure I will complete my studies with high quality and studying here will immensely expand my knowledge horizon and endow me with the cutting-edge expertise. It will not be a plain sailing, but I am fully prepared.

  In a word, I am looking forward to making a solid foundation for future profession after three years study here.

That is all, thanks for your attention.


俺马上要面试了，英文的自我介绍模板也看了一些，觉得低级得很，大都好似初中英语水平
发帖就是想高人指点一下我写的哪里不好，括号里写不出味道求补充，其余求修改，求思路，求加长，求味道，求面试技巧

隐私尊严神马的也不值钱，抛弃了


self-introduction

  Glad to see you sir, it is really a great honor to have this opportunity for the interview. My name is XXX，I graduated from this school, xx University is my alma mater, I was born in Jining which is the hometown of Confucius and Mencius with convenient communications，and it is the heartland of the rites.Observing promise and credit has always been a tradition of Jining，the people are easy going.
（我有很多xx爱好xx特长，越高尚越好）. Of course, if I am given a chance to study sports medicine in my alma mater, I will concentrate on my study and make great efforts to master it.
There are several reasons accounting for my endeavor.
I have been deeply impressed by （工作期间指导老师的精湛技术神马）. In my opinion, as a young doctor in the current，realize self-value is still urgent for me to own money（实现人生价值比获取金钱重要），This is the first reason for why I choose my major.
   The second one is I am long for doing research in sports medicine throughout my life. It’s a pleasure to be with my favorite job for lifetime. I suppose this is the most important factor in my decision.
（第三条，我写不出来了）
  In a word, I am looking forward to making a solid foundation for future profession after three years study here.
That is all, thanks for your attention.

============================
修改版

   Glad to see you professors. It is a great honor to have this opportunity for the interview. My name is XXX，I graduated from this university which is my alma mater majored in clinical medicine. I was born in jining which is the hometown of Confucius and Mencius with convenient communications，and it is the heartland of the rites.Observing promise and credit has always been a tradition of Jining and the people are easy going.

   In my spare time, I like listening to music and watching American dramas online. I have made a lot of friends and obtained the communicational skills needed by a person. Of course, if I am given a chance to study sports medicine in my alma mater, I will concentrate on my study and make great efforts to master it.

   There are several reasons accounting for my endeavor.I have been deeply impressed by my guiding teacher's exquisite technology in the hospital. In my opinion, as a young doctor，realize self-value is still urgent for me to own money，This is the first reason for why I choose my postgraduate major.
   The thing that matters most to me is that I am long for doing research in sports medicine throughout my life. It’s a pleasure to be with my favorite job.

   I believe I have established a relatively solid foundation for seeking further studies in. I am sure I will complete my studies with high quality and studying here will immensely expand my knowledge horizon and endow me with the cutting-edge expertise. It will not be a plain sailing, but I am fully prepared.

  In a word, I am looking forward to making a solid foundation for future profession after three years study here.

That is all, thanks for your attention.